Saturday, November 07, 2015

Rearing Their Ugly Heads

NaBloPoMo November 2015

My anxiety and depression are once again rearing their ugly heads in my life.The last few weeks have been rough and I am not sure why. I know the time change is always hard on me but this has been going on longer than that.

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. While my personal life is great I am not happy with my job. I think I am burned out and have been considering what I want to be when I grow up. I have so many ideas but I lack the follow through on them. Why do I do this to myself?

I am so scared to fail that I do not even try. My perfectionism comes out and stops me. If I cannot do it perfectly then why even bother? I tell myself that I do not deserve it because I am stupid, lazy, fat and ugly. That I am not good enough and never will be. I do not share my thoughts and dreams with anyone - including my husband - because they will think I am silly and crazy.

I am not sure how to fix these issues. After all 39 years of this type of thinking is not easy to overcome. I just know that I am tired and something needs to change. Until next time ....


Unknown said...

Hi, I sometimes drop by and see what you are knitting. I have been dropping by daily for NaBloPoMo. Being good to ourselves can be a challenge. Quieting those critical voices in our heads is essential. Being a mom, you wouldn't want your son to be so hard on himself. I like to think the things I do to improve myself benefit my husband and son. When I take better care of me, they get a better wife and mom. Give it some thought. You are obviously a loving mom and wife. Give yourself a positive mental pep talk and continue to look for ways to improve your work life. You can do it! Good luck!

Unknown said... name is April.

A :-) said...

I echo everything the first poster said. Please pick up a copy of Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection." You are worth it. Hang in.