My anxiety and depression are once again rearing their ugly heads in my life.The last few weeks have been rough and I am not sure why. I know the time change is always hard on me but this has been going on longer than that.
I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. While my personal life is great I am not happy with my job. I think I am burned out and have been considering what I want to be when I grow up. I have so many ideas but I lack the follow through on them. Why do I do this to myself?
I am so scared to fail that I do not even try. My perfectionism comes out and stops me. If I cannot do it perfectly then why even bother? I tell myself that I do not deserve it because I am stupid, lazy, fat and ugly. That I am not good enough and never will be. I do not share my thoughts and dreams with anyone - including my husband - because they will think I am silly and crazy.
I am not sure how to fix these issues. After all 39 years of this type of thinking is not easy to overcome. I just know that I am tired and something needs to change. Until next time ....
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3 comments:
Hi, I sometimes drop by and see what you are knitting. I have been dropping by daily for NaBloPoMo. Being good to ourselves can be a challenge. Quieting those critical voices in our heads is essential. Being a mom, you wouldn't want your son to be so hard on himself. I like to think the things I do to improve myself benefit my husband and son. When I take better care of me, they get a better wife and mom. Give it some thought. You are obviously a loving mom and wife. Give yourself a positive mental pep talk and continue to look for ways to improve your work life. You can do it! Good luck!
Oops...my name is April.
I echo everything the first poster said. Please pick up a copy of Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection." You are worth it. Hang in.
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