Yesterday was my 40th birthday. Yes I am now a 40-something Crazy Knitting Fool (note to self – you need to update the banners on most of your social media to reflect your new decade). Most of the month of June I have been in a mood. My anxiety and depression have been out of control. I felt so overwhelmed and had so many things to do and no idea where to start. Saturday, the day before my birthday, was the worst. I could feel my nerves fraying and was close to tears almost all day. I had to take a break from little man and go upstairs and take a nap.
Then a funny thing happened. When I woke up yesterday morning I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. When Clark came in to the room to wake me up by wishing me a happy birthday I felt love and not annoyance. It seems that anticipating my birthday for the entire month was worse than the actual birthday itself. I actually had a good day and it was so nice to feel so much better after a month of feeling like a horrible person, wife and mother because I felt like total crap. It is so hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes.
Depression is a lying jerk. He will tell you that you are useless, that you will never do anything worthwhile in your life, that your friends and family do not really care about you. I hope the next time one of these episodes comes on I can remember that and remember that there is an end to the feelings eventually.