Yesterday was my 40th birthday. Yes I am now a
40-something Crazy Knitting Fool (note to self – you need to update the banners
on most of your social media to reflect your new decade). Most of the month of
June I have been in a mood. My anxiety and depression have been out of
control. I felt so overwhelmed and had so many things to do and no idea where
to start. Saturday, the day before my birthday, was the worst. I could feel my
nerves fraying and was close to tears almost all day. I had to take a break from
little man and go upstairs and take a nap.
Then a funny thing happened. When I woke up yesterday
morning I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. When Clark came
in to the room to wake me up by wishing me a happy birthday I felt love and not
annoyance. It seems that anticipating my birthday for the entire month was
worse than the actual birthday itself. I actually had a good day and it was so
nice to feel so much better after a month of feeling like a horrible person,
wife and mother because I felt like total crap. It is so hard to see the forest
for the trees sometimes.
Depression is a lying jerk. He will tell you that you are
useless, that you will never do anything worthwhile in your life, that your
friends and family do not really care about you. I hope the next time one of
these episodes comes on I can remember that and remember that there is an end
to the feelings eventually.
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